It's nearly 5pm. I'm still in bed trying not to make any sudden movements or the room will start spinning again. Judging from the sound of rush hour traffic below, the day is about to end for most people. As for me, my day hasn't even started yet coz I'm still in my freaking "I Dream of Jeannie" pajamas!!!
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I've had way too many strawberry martinis at Emily's party last night. Oh man, must those mad taxi drivers honk so loudly?!??! Anyway, you know what, now that I think about it, maybe my day, no make that my life, IS SO OVER right about now too.
Emily invited a ALL of our college classmates over to her new swanky apartment in the Upper East Side. (Thanks to her now-dead aunt. God bless her soul.) It has only been a year since I last saw all of them during our graduation, but it still felt like ages! Two girls from my Sketching class are now pregnant. Jason, the biggest prick in Color & Design class, is going to be a MINISTER! Of course, there's Emily - New York's current IT fashion designer - basking in her newfound fame and fortune. When you put all these people from art school into one room, it's never a dull moment!
As I was busy downing martinis while catching up the latest gossip with friends, someone tripped on a rug nearby and conveniently (yes, I'm being a sarcastic here) fell on me. As if crushing my ribs wasn't enough, the bastard SPILLED BEER (ew) ON MY HAIR, MY FACE AND MY NEW ALEXANDER MCQUEEN DRESS!!! This guy certainly had no idea how much trouble I went through while primping for this party. As I tried to have soft ringlets frame my face, I burned the tip of my index finger with that blasted curling iron. Then, when my dog suddenly barged into the bathroom, I nearly poked my eye with my mascara, thus creating this inartistic smudge across my cheek. When I tried to remove said smudge using an eye makeup remover, the liquid somehow seeped through my right eye! It. stung. like. HELL!!! So of course, I had to wash my face and start applying makeup from scratch AGAIN. Even after I practically had to drown my eye with water, it still stung, so I had feel my way around the bathroom with ONE EYE to look for my towel, which was on a hanger hung on the shower curtain bar. Instead of yanking my towel off, I yanked my dress off instead. As if that wasn't enough, the upper portion of the dress got drenched on tub filled with water. It took me at least 30 minutes to convince my brother to rush my dress to the dry cleaners so I could wear it to tonight's party AND THIS MORON WILL JUST SPILL BEER ON ME???!? Hell, I have to do my brother's laundry for A MONTH! Oooohh, this guy was going to get a mouthful…
I gathered all the foul words I could muster in 5 seconds of speechlessness. I stood up, turned to the klutzy culprit, and said, "YOU. YOU F-FU-F…"
Yeah. Real smooth. I know.
Standing right before me, looking genuinely sorry and guilty, was Michael. Michael "6 ft of oozing hotness" Miller. Michael, the guy I was only in love with all through senior year, Michael. I couldn't possibly threaten his very existence as he trying to wipe the beer off my face, while apologizing over and over again, I might add! He was sorry! Hee.
Then, in this sweet, soft, sexy voice of his, he went, "Hey."
OH. MY. GOD. Michael "I ought to have my own billboard in Times Square" Miller said "Hey" to me! Crap, I'm such a dork. I know.
Trying to be nonchalant, I was all, "Hey." Oh, was my mascara even waterproof?!
"I'm really really sorry about that."
"Oh. Don't worry about it. It could happen to anyone! Heh."
"Well, it shouldn't happen to you."
Gasp. Gasp. Gasp. AIR! I NEED AIR!!!
"Uh, you know what, I think I'll just be at the balcony… coz um, you know, I'm starting to stink. Thanks to you." What the hell was I saying?!
"Mind if I join you?"
Do I mind??? Must he even ask? Well, I would've preferred if I was oozing with Chanel No. 5 rather than Eau de Beer. I just hope the New York smog was able cover that smell up.
At the balcony, we just talked and talked and of course, drank and drank some more Martinis. Under normal, sober circumstances, I don't think I would have spoken to him so freely. Since I had this massive crush on him before, I tended to be cold and sarcastic OR stuttery and idiotic - depending on my mood. Damn, I guess I should've been drunk all the time during Senior year.
"So hey, Alexa... I have to confess something." He goes.
"Yeah? Confess away!"
Suddenly, he got really serious. "You know… I had a crush on you the moment I met you."
WHAAAAAATT??!! So I went, "The moment you met me?? That was like… the middle of Sophomore year!!!"
"Yeaaah.. wow, that seemed like decades ago!"
I tried to digest all of this. I mean, this is HUGE! Trying to stay calm, cool, and nonchalant, I said, "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU ASK ME OUT?!??! I WOULD'VE SAID YES!!! HELL, EVEN IF YOU ASKED ME TO BUNGEE JUMP WITH YOU FOR OUR FIRST DATE, I STILL WOULD'VE SAID YES!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING???!"
Then, Michael laughed. The moron actually laughed! The nerve!
Still gasping for hair, he sputtered, "Re-really? Hoo-oohh man! I thought you hated me! For months, I've been hinting my interest…"
"Wait, you've been hinting??? To me??" I interrupted. Shit! Where the hell was I???!
"YES!! Seriously Alexa! You were such a bitch to me!"
Before I could defend myself, a handsome man stepped into the balcony. Michael was clearly elated by this man's arrival so I guessed they were friends or something.
"Charles!! You made it!! Oh, Charles, this is Alexa, a classmate in college AND the girl I used to admire from afar. Alexa, this Charles, my partner."
I politely extended my right hand to Charles and smiled, "Hi Charles. Pleased to meet you." And to Michael, I asked, "Business partner?"
Michael's grin grew even wider when he said, "No. My life partner." Charles and Michael then gazed into each others' eyes… in this extremely affectionate manner… in this…
Whuh? Life partner? LIFE PARTNER???! SERIOUSLY??! Oh God.
Any near possibilities of me and Michael finally hooking up are as gone as Britney's virginity. Since both lovers obviously missed each other since the last time (9 hours) they've seen each other, I excused myself and headed off to the bar. To drown my confusion and wounded ego with more martini. I just don't get it. I was obviously oblivious to his feelings towards me 4 years ago. Did I drive him to.. to the other side?? Oh, the thought makes me sick. Wait, where's my wastebasket?
So here I am. In my bed. In my "I Dream of Jeannie" pajamas. It's nearly 7pm now, and I'm wondering that out of 2 million guys in Manhattan, probably 500,000 of them are homosexuals, why couldn't Michael Miller stay straight??!